Char Shiu Sushi Dogs are disgusting. Sushi Dogs, Liverpool Street. 6.4.25

 There was a time when bubble tea stayed home in Taiwan. Now, they’re everywhere. I am both sad and happy. Sad because pricey sugary drinks don’t deserve to succeed. Happy because fads that make it are few and add another grain to the beach that is our shared food heritage. A grain may not seem like much but that’s what all cultures are made of - grains. Like Hello Kitty cat figurines and Tamagotchi toys. They sear themselves into our psyches and define our generations like nothing else. The way a single word can be uttered in a group chat and everyone gets it straightaway. 

So, accept my sincerity at face value when I say that I wanted Sushi Dogs to blow me away. Because if you’re going to mess with my cultural culinary memories, you better make it worth my while. It’s been some hours since I consumed a char shiu chicken sushi dog but my outrage still smoulders. Char Shiu and chicken have no business resting next to each other in a sentence. Char Shiu is pork reddened and infused with a sweet sauce that elevates the whole. Char Shiu pork belongs in a fluffy white bun or sliced in strips and laid lovingly over a plate of steaming white rice. Happy memories of peeling the white paper off the base of the bun, of ripping the bao apart and savouring each bite because there’s only so many you can eat in one sitting without looking like someone with a food disorder. 

I am not offended that someone tried to apply the char shiu recipe to chicken. I mean, why the hell not? I’m game. What offends me is that this monstrosity failed as a concept, but they still decided to go ahead with it. They stripped char shiu of its cultural context, transferred the flavouring to a meat that is less contentious (I mean a char shiu pork sushi dog would offend some religious sensibilities, am I right?), rolled it along with some vegetables into a giant sushi roll and called it a day. Had some sort of overly sweet mochi chocolate dessert of which the less said the better. Washed it all down with a can of Living Things Peach and Orange soft drink. It advertises itself as an all-natural soda. It wasn’t bad. I’d consider buying another. 

The total bill came to about £15 which sounds about right for premium fast food in the Liverpool Street area. Call it a fiver for the food and another tenner for the novelty. Service was prompt and polite. Some clean spartan seating was available. There is a Tesco mini-market about a hundred yards down to the road on the same side of the street. Go there.